Lack Of Discipline

Beep-beep.

Beep-beep…

F*ck.

Alarm.

Switch it off.

Quick!

Waking the baby up early is a the worst case scenario…

This was me 20 minutes ago.

Gosh I feel tired.

I really struggled to get up today.

Indeed, it took me a while of half-dozing, heavily considering the option to sack off my new morning writing habit, until it struck me.

I want to write about discipline.

Or in this case, lack of discipline.

By 5om yesterday I was exhausted, I’d slept badly the night before after my daughter wet the bed at 2am, and a full day of Dad duties had taken their toll.

Thankfully I’d managed to navigate the witching hour, aka feeding, bathing, and putting young babies to bed by 7pm, a simultaneously beautiful and testing period of the day.

Emotions are flying all over the place for the whole family…

Done.

Phew.

I crashed onto a sofa.

“Tonight I am going to indulge”, I thought.

Some TV.

Some chocolate.

An early bed.

Brilliant.

The first hour flies by.

I am like a drugged up zombie, with a crime drama on Apple TV, and an assortment of sweet treats.

Why not have some more TV?

Why not have some more chocolate?

Yeah go on then…

The second hour flies by.

Before you know it, you’ve eaten twice as much chocolate than you wanted, and you’re watching “just one last episode”.

Damn.

“I am going to be tired in the morning…”

My usual sleep cut off time came and went.

Then the guilty feeling: “I’ve smashed through the daily calories quota I set myself…”

Shit.

And now, here I am, struggling to peel myself off the pillow…

Until of course I got the inspiration to write about discipline.

Some obvious questions arise:

• Why do I do this?
• When is it ok to not stick to plans?
• How can I avoid this repeating?

I knew I had made a commitment.

Indeed, I made multiple commitments…

But yet, there I was, ignoring them.

“F*ck you commitments!”, was my glorious state late last night, glued to an iPhone whilst screen lying in bed.

But how hollow I feel now.

What a loser.

Living vicariously through some bullshit spy series.

The definition of ‘cheap thrills’.

If I am going to truly enjoy my new morning writing habit, I will need to get more disciplined with my evenings, whilst as I write this I vow to be as open and honest about many different subjects.

Equally, the physical fitness goals I’ve set myself, I vow to take more seriously; I will stick to the combination of weight training and daily calorie deficits.

Hmmm.

I didn’t expect to get onto this topic this morning!

Which I guess brings me to a final point.

Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes, at different times, in an unpredictable way.

I’ve been enjoying waking up, breathing deep, and allowing my intuition to guide me.

This will be the 24th article I’ve written on Nostr using this same process.

I’ve loved it.

It set’s up my day so well.

I’ve achieved something by 6.30 am everyday!

But I also confess, I am slightly stressed out by it…

• What am I going to write about?
• What if I don’t get any inspiration?
• When will I get the idea I want to discuss?

On the one hand, this is a reflection of the nature of how erratic inspiration is, but also it’s my rational mind going head-to-head with my intuition.

Have faith all will be well Jake.

What you say is what you were meant to say.

Ultimately, nothing is wrong… Just an experience.

Perhaps I will play around with the cadence, write on weekdays only, as I do really resonate with the concept of inspiration management.

Or one could pre-write and schedule things.

I will do some tests.

Ultimately, one doesn’t want to be burnt out.

One needs to truly foster inspiration, creativity, and 'the flow state'.

Anyways, babies now waking, so got to wrap this up.

“F*ck you late night TV!”

Best, Jake

Ps - over the years I’ve tried many evening routines, all which seem to fall by the wayside, in spite of their obvious benefits. Spending 3 hours watching TV on my phone, like last night, is literally the last thing I actually want to spend my attention on… Lol. So why do I do it? Why do I not have better discipline? Indeed, my wife is always encouraging to use a nice face wash in the evening… Even that I don’t bother with! No doubt, this needs some work, firstly to understand what my priorities are, but then to figure out how best to optimise for them. Sometimes a cheeky treat is a good thing. Sometimes “you’re borrowing from tomorrow”. How do you manage discipline?